So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
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