So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
