life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
