I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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