you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Sorry about my life...
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I smell like Dick and happiness
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
