Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
