I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I'm having to shit out rocks
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
