Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Sex in the backyard? Check.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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