I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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