This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
