she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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