Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
