I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Randomize
