This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
