I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
