Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
