so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
