You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
