Sry I called you an 8
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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