just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
the day after is always just damage control
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Never underestimate the power of titties
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