I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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