I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
