Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
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Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
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It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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