That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
