Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
