If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
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the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
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