drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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