my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize