Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Randomize
