Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
wow bdsm is so cute
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