if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Randomize
