i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
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