Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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