In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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