I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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