In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Randomize
