I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
