normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Randomize
