I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
