I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Randomize
