so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
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