i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I FOUND THE LEGS
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Randomize
