I can tuck mytits in my pants
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
