i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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