i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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