Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
