I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize