you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
