I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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