did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
