the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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