Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
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