I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Randomize