just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
