I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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