i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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