Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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