2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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