ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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