I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
