i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
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