Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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