Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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