I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
