non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Randomize
